No, I have not given birth. 

Yes, I’m one hell of a doula!

Denise Bolds MSW, CD(DONA) October 4, 2017

Yes, I did have a baby vaginally and three miscarriages. I gave birth to my son 27 years ago; a natural birth with no interventions. It took me two days to do it. What does this mean to you, the pregnant person seeking a doula to support your birth? Not a darn thing.

Our society is based upon categories; 'cubicles' of characteristics that separate and designate. This same designation runs rampant in childbirth: from ‘geriatric’ pregnancy to prima; there are tons of 'cubicles' in childbirth. As a certified birth doula, I am asked a common question of prospective clients; “Have you given birth?”

I’m very proud of my accomplishment of being a successful black single mother. 27 years ago, I wanted a natural birth, breastfeed my baby and use cloth diapers. I didn’t have a birth doula; I had an awesome midwife and my mom helping me through my labor. I ended up with birth trauma and postpartum depression. When a prospective client asks me of my birth status, the client feels this is relative and for them it is; here’s something else to consider.

I know many experienced, excellent doulas who have not given birth and probably never will. I also know OB/GYN’s who have not given birth either. I wonder if pregnant people ask OB/GYN’s and midwives if they have ever given birth? Probably not, especially the male ones! ;)

Here’s a way out of that 'cubicle mindset'…

Does an Oncologist have to have cancer to be a great practitioner of treating cancer? What about Cardiologists and other medical specialists? Does an Orthopedist have to have broken bones or a hip/knee replacement in order to be a great practitioner? Do you see where I’m going with this?

Many doulas have given birth, many of those doulas have experienced a negative birth experience of their own = birth trauma, if left untreated, unaddressed or unrecognized turns into transference. Transference is the redirection of a feeling a person has experienced onto another person.

There’s a possibility that a birth worker can project their experiences upon your current event of pregnancy/birth. I made sure my birth experience 27 years ago was healed and does not transfer onto my work as a birth doula. For me, being a certified birth doula is not about me, but about my client(s), their partner(s), families and communities. My ego is not present, what is present are compassion, courage and common sense. Yes, birth work commands courage.

When seeking to secure doula support, giving birth doesn’t guarantee a good doula or even a great one. Instead, inquire about the doula’s passion, education, and courage in challenging birth situations! I wrote this blog in recognition of all of my doula peers who have not given birth; one awesome doula who is one of my mentors is childless; I would have her at my birth if I were seeking doula support. Not only is she wise, compassionate and fearless; she's one of the smartest doulas I know.

At the end of the day, it’s the birth giver’s choice of which doula bests fits the birth they are working towards. The 'cubicle' mentality in birth work begins and ends with us.